200 Awful Dad Jokes for an Epic Laugh

Do you enjoy a good dad joke? No, seriously — do you? Because we have 200 of them for you. And by “good,” we mean “epic” and “laugh-out-loud” hilarious. Dad jokes work for any occasion, like the office, at the breakfast table, on an extended family road trip, or as an inscription on your Father’s Day card! So if you’re in the mood for some gut-busting laughs, read these 200 dad jokes! But fair warning: You might not be able to stop laughing until the very end.

For many of us, there is nothing more satisfying than a good dad joke. Unlike regular jokes, dad jokes are unique and complex, combining various elements to create an experience that is universally entertaining yet slightly cringe-worthy. Dad jokes are the epitome of uncool coolness with their cheesy one-liners and corny wordplay.

So, whether you’re actually a dad or just appreciate the humor of dad memes and dad puns, you have to admit that no other humor genre is quite as satisfying as a good old-fashioned dad joke. So go ahead and indulge your inner dork with some dad humor – you know you can’t resist! So sit back on the couch or in your car, and enjoy reading my collection of 200 dad jokes.

Best Dad Jokes

1. Why do melons have weddings? Because they cantaloupe!
2. I just watched all the Harry Potter movies back to back with a friend. It maybe wasn’t the best idea, because it meant I couldn’t see the TV.
3. What did the flowers do when the bride walked down the aisle? They rose.
4. I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.
5. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.
6. What did the zero say to the eight? That belt looks good on you.
7. What do you call 50 pigs and 50 deer? 100 sows and bucks.
8. My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
9. What did the evil chicken lay? Deviled eggs.
10. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
11. What’s the best way to watch a fly-fishing tournament? Live stream.
12. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.
13. A guy goes to his doctor because he can see into the future. The doctor asks him, How long have you suffered from that condition? The guy tells him, Since next Monday.
14. What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.
15. You’re American when you go into a bathroom and when you come out, but what are you while you’re in the bathroom? European.
16. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
17. Why don’t pirates take a bath before they walk the plank? They just wash up on shore.
18. Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex? Because they were watch dogs.
19. I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!
20. Son: Dad, I’m hungry. Dad: Hi hungry, I’m Dad.

Corny Dad Jokes

21. Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with!
22. What rock group has four men that don’t sing? Mount Rushmore.
23. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
24. What’s a ninja’s favorite type of shoes? Sneakers!
25. I want to go on record that I support farming. As a matter of fact, you could call me protractor.
26. My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right!
27. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.
28. How does a penguin build his house? Igloos it together.
29. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
30. 5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.
31. What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner.
32. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
33. How many paranoids does it take to change a light bulb? Who wants to know?
34. I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
35. What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
36. Why didn’t Han Solo enjoy his steak dinner? It was Chewie.
37. What kind of shoes does a lazy person wear? Loafers.
38. What do you call a fish with no eye? A fsh.
39. How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. The narcissist holds the light bulb while the rest of the world revolves around him.
40. What does “Rockin’ Robin” do when she’s bored? Tweet.

Funny Dad Jokes

41. I read that by law you must turn on your headlights when it’s raining in Sweden, but how am I supposed to know when it is raining in Sweden?
42. Where do boats go when they’re sick? To the boat doc.
43. I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
44. What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn? Where’s Pop Corn?
45. A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
46. What’s ET short for? Because he’s only got tiny legs!
47. Stop looking for the perfect match…use a lighter.
48. How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
49. What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make? Brrrroooom, brrroooom.
50. How do you follow Will Smith in the snow? You follow the fresh prints.
51. How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put some boogie in it!
52. I’ve been thinking about taking up meditation. I figure it’s better than sitting around doing nothing.
53. How many apples grow on a tree? All of them!
54. I don’t trust stairs. They are always up to something.
55. Did you hear about the guy who froze to death at the drive-in? He went to see Closed for the Winter.
56. Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.
57. I was really angry at my friend Mark for stealing my dictionary. I told him, Mark, my words!
58. What happens when you go to the bathroom in France? European.
59. I wish Covid-19 had started in Las Vegas. Because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
60. What do you call a mac ‘n’ cheese that gets all up in your face? Too close for comfort food!

Awfully Bad Dad Jokes

61. Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.
62. I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house… but the kids still get in.
63. Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint!
64. What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!
65. How do you row a canoe filled with puppies? Bring out the doggy paddle.
66. Why is it a bad idea to iron your four-leaf clover? Cause you shouldn’t press your luck.
67. “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “Alabama.” “Anybody with you?” “Nope. I’m Alabama self.“
68. I slept like a log last night. Woke up in the fireplace!
69. What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to? Plymouth rock.
70. “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “Nobel.” “Nobel who?” “No­bel, so I knock knocked.”
71. How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
72. What do you call a beehive without an exit? Unbelievable.
73. Why did the man fall down the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
74. Where do you learn to make a banana split? Sundae school.
75. I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.
76. What’s brown and sticky? A stick!
77. My wife said I was immature. So I told her to get out of my fort.
78. Shouldn’t the “roof” of your mouth actually be called the ceiling?
79. What do Santa’s elves listen to ask they work? Wrap music!
80. Why did the stadium get so hot after the game? Because all the fans left.

Dad Jokes for Kids

81. Why do vampires seem sick? They’re always coffin.
82. How many DIY buffs does it take to change a light bulb? One, but it takes two weeks and four trips to the hardware store.
83. Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands.
84. What do you call a dog that can do magic? A Labracabrador.
85. Did you hear about the racing snail who got rid of his shell? He thought it would make him faster, but it just made him sluggish.
86. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!
87. What’s a crafty dancer’s favorite hobby? Cutting a rug.
88. What do you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller.
89. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
90. How does a man on the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
91. What would the Terminator be called in his retirement? The Exterminator.
92. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it!
93. What do you call a naughty lamb dressed up like a skeleton for Halloween? Baaad to the bone.
94. We all know about Murphy’s Law: anything that can go wrong will go wrong. But have you heard of Cole’s Law? It’s thinly sliced cabbage.
95. My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.
96. I didn’t want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there.
97. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!
98. Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
99. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired!
100. I told my doctor I heard buzzing, but he said it’s just a bug going around.

Flat Out Dumb Jokes From Your Father

101. What has more letters than the alphabet? The post office!
102. What do you call it when Dwayne Johnson buys a cutting tool? Rock pay-for scissors.
103. How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.
104. When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
105. Can February march? No, but April may!
106. What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet? Reali-tea.
107. A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie is everywhere!
108. A skeleton walks into a bar and says, ‘Hey, bartender. I’ll have one beer and a mop.’
109. Which state has the most streets? Rhode Island.
110. Why did the old man fall in the well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
111. I sold our vacuum cleaner; it was just gathering dust.
112. If towels could tell jokes, I think they’d have a very dry sense of humor.
113. Did you hear they arrested the devil? Yeah, they got him on possession.
114. Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.
115. Did you hear about the bacon cheeseburger who couldn’t stop telling jokes? It was on a roll.
116. I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.
117. What do you call a poor Santa Claus? St. Nickel-less.
118. How do you get a country girl’s attention? A tractor.
119. Student: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: It’s ‘may.’ Student: No, it’s January.
120. Niece: I have a lot of friends named Nathan, there’s Nathan…(endless droning about nicknames). Me: When they are together, do you call them The United Nathans?

The Classics

121. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
122. What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty.
123. What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee fish!
124. “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “Ayatollah.” “Ayatollah who?” “Ayatollah you already.”
125. Where do fruits go on vacation? Pear-is!
126. I searched for a lighter on Amazon, but all I could find was 401 matches…
127. Why was the coach yelling at a vending machine? He wanted his quarter back.
128. I want to make a brief joke, but it’s a little cheesy.
129. What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common? They’re both Paris sites.
130. Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.
131. What happens when it rains cats and dogs? You have to be careful not to step in a poodle.
132. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
133. I used to run a dating service for chickens. But I was struggling to make hens meet.
134. Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it!
135. Why couldn’t the green pepper practice archery? Because it didn’t habanero.
136. Air used to be free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. You know why? Inflation.
137. I remember as a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing, but when I got home, the signs were all there.
138. Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet.
139. How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? You will see one later and one in a while.
140. I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.

Hillarious Jokes Only Dad Can Get Away With

141. Why was the color green notoriously single? It was always so jaded.
142. Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.
143. Why is cold water so insecure? Because it’s never called hot.
144. What do you call a shoe made of a banana? A slipper!
145. Why did Billy get fired from the banana factory? He kept throwing away the bent ones.
146. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it!
147. Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, we’d call them bagels.
148. What is the tallest building in the world? The library—it’s got the most stories.
149. What’s the name of a very polite, European body of water? Merci.
150. Why do Dads take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? In case they get a hole in one.
151. I’m afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.
152. What sound does a witch’s car make? Broom broom!
153. Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.
154. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
155. What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
156. Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarterback.
157. What kind of music do chiropractors like? Hip pop.
158. How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.
159. Can February March? No, but April May.
160. What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.

Humble Puns

161. Do you know the last thing my grandfather said to me before he kicked the bucket? Grandson, watch how far I can kick this bucket.
162. What does a sprinter eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!
163. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands!
164. This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there!
165. Why couldn’t the astronaut land on the moon? Because it was full.
166. Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.
167. What’s the least spoken language in the world? Sign language.
168. Want to know why nurses like red crayons? Sometimes they have to draw blood.
169. Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.
170. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire!
171. What do you call someone with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
172. My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
173. What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
174. Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing? In case they get a hole in one!
175. Today, my son asked, “Can I have a bookmark?” I burst into tears—11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.
176. Why did the bedding hide their relationship? They just wanted something pillow-key!
177. How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? By the bark.
178. Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally, my high school karate lessons paid off.
179. What did the police officer say to his belly-button? You’re under a vest.
180. Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh!

When Dad is Bored Jokes

181. I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
182. What did one hat say to the other? Stay here! I’m going on ahead.
183. I’m starting a new dating service in Prague. It’s called Czech-Mate.
184. You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
185. I was addicted to hokey pokey…but I turned myself around.
186. How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he has to do it while you are eating dinner.
187. It takes guts to be an organ donor.
188. What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory!
189. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.
190. What did Tennessee? The same thing as Arkansas.
191. A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.
192. I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.
193. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
194. Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
195. What do you call 26 letters that went for a swim? Alphawetical.
196. When does a joke become a “dad joke?” When it becomes apparent.
197. Why do dogs float in water? Because they are good buoys.
198. How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together!
199. I can’t take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
200. I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up. Good thymes.